Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
