you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
