YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
