Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
