There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
