i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Please, let me fuck your mom
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
