Fuck appropriateness.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She has the best kind of daddy issues
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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