Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
