I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
