Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
