he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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