Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
