Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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