Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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