No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
