Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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