I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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