is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
