i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
