Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
