My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
