I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want a musical about memes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
