Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
