after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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