I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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