i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
