i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
