Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
