And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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