I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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