I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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