My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
