Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
