I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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