First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
