Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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