she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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