We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
