I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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