I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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