Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
