the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
