i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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