YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
