i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
