I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
