Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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