My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
