Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
