i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
