Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
