they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
