just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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