WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
